I’m okay.

My 21 month old daughter, Addilynn, recently stubbed her toe, ran towards me and said, “Mimi, toe-sh, hurts. O-kay? yesh,I o-kay. Kisses mimi, peeze.”

Then I follow up with a kiss to those little stumpy precious baby toes and I tell her. “Oh, Addie-girl, you have to watch where you run.”

She has learned the process, the script, and knows that mom’s kisses heal and she is safe to return to running.

I,like my daughter Addie, have experienced a stub my toe kind of hurt lately. Someone recently hurt me. They don’t know they did, but they did none-the-less.

Someone misunderstood something I wrote. But, they didn’t ask me about it. I heard a concern from someone else and the original person wished to remain anonymous. So, instead of hearing my position or my feelings, they believed something about me that’s not true, and I don’t get the opportunity to set the record straight by clarifying or apologizing or doing anything that the situation could have warranted.

Although it is frustrating that someone thinks something about me thats not true, what bothers me the most is that someone in my personal life feels they can’t talk to me.

It really made me question whether or not I should write in a public setting. It made me question all the people around me.  Was it her? Was it him? Am I approachable? My easiest response to these questions would have been to withdraw and to stop writing or to allow it to impair my running abilities, or to become angry and blame them.

But,  thankfully, I went limping towards the arms of my heavenly Father instead. I spent time praying, and pouring out my heart-hurt.

He began to bandage my heart-hurt with the God-kisses of mercy, grace, and love. And he asked me, “Ash, you going to be okay?”

I’m okay because I’m learning that God will always kiss the smallest of stubbed toe heart-hurts.

I’m okay because I’m learning that maybe I need to watch my words a little more carefully. And, that maybe I’m causing stub-my-toe kind of hurt towards others.

I’m okay because I want to show grace to the anonymous person in my life. I’d like to ask them to forgive me, if my words have hurt them. I’d like them to know that I’m very sorry if I have made myself unavailable or unapproachable for them to share their hurt with me. Most importantly, I’d like them to know that while they may have hurt me in remaining anonymous that I forgive them and want to show love and compassion. And that beyond that, I am willing to risk being misunderstood again and thus hurt again in order to be obedient to the calling God has put on my life.

I’m okay because I’m learning the process, the script, and that with Abba’s kisses I’m safe to return to running.

Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

–Psalm 103:2-4

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2 thoughts on “I’m okay.

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