Tag Archives: mommyhood

Maybe, this is normal?

Posted on by

5

IMG_3810 “You know, right now your kids need you. Your ministry is your children. You should focus on only that and let someone else  _____ (fill in the blank).” –said by more people to me than I care to admit.

I feel like the skinny pants in a fat pants drawer, or probably more like the fat pants in a skinny pants drawer. I’m the lincoln log in the legos bin. Sometimes, I wish I could be the right “thing”, but most often I’m just plainly the wrong one.

I have a tremendous burden for those in poverty. I can’t help it. It’s like somehow God weaved that into my d.n.a. (Okay there is a lot of reason for this-mainly my parents), but it’s like I can’t go on living a normal life. I just can’t. It’d be much easier to be normal–to let someone else.

So, when people tell me my ministry is to my children….here is what I want to say (but, I can never find the words):

Please hear this…my ministry IS first my family. I am with them 99.9% of the time. I’m probably with them more than should be allowed. But, my ministry can’t stop there….let me explain:

They are taught important things. Oren can tell you a lot of important (and unimportant) things. Lately he’s been interested in IMG_4049mammals, and he can tell you what qualifies as a mammal. He can tell you that Darth Vader saved Luke Skywalker out of love and that love always conquers evil.

He also can tell you all about how God sent a rescuer. He can share with you that Jesus loves our hearts beyond what we will ever know and that sin creeps in and hurts our hearts. He will tell you that sin makes Jesus sad, but He will always love that hurt heart. But, that he wants us to make us have whole healthy hearts and that he died out of love and that love always conquers evil.

Addie can point to the Christmas manger and tell you, “It’s God” (she’ll also point to Santa Claus and say “it’s god”…and she might be right he is an idol to some. I didn’t teach her that…she’s just really that theologically gifted).

Cadie can tell you about flowers, and pretties (I think she might become a jeweler one day), and will sing to you the most beautiful lines of gibberish.

Judah can say, “milk” “all gone” and “more” in sign language. He now officially says, “hi” so at least were winning on the social skills front.

To me a “mom” ministry is so much more than buttering bread and making sure they don’t have too much sugar. Or that Oren receives no gluten, wheat, soy, corn, tomatoes, beans, peas, kiwi, oranges, etc, etc, etc…and that we’re a nut-free house (pun intended) .

It’s more than making them responsible or to use their manners (Don’t be concerned-we’ve had some serious talks about farting lately).

IMG_4033It’s more than whether or not they go to college or are financially successful.

It’s more than having a clean house, which I’ve already decided is impossible with four kids.

It’s a much bigger ministry that just “being a good mom”to my kids–its serving others because of them.

It’s showing them that life with Jesus isn’t just something we talk about at our dinner table or at church on Sunday.

It’s about modeling my relationship with Christ through my life, the whole thing, and not just my role as a caregiver to these babies. Someday these babies will need to know what service for the Kingdom looks like and that learning starts now NOT eventually when it’s MORE convenient.

When we go to the Safeway down the street, and Oren sees a homeless man begging for money and he exclaims, “Hey are you without a home?” (Insert my embarrassment here) and the man yells back, “Yes!”

Oren gleefully responds, “Hey don’t worry, my mom ALWAYS helps people without a home. She loves to do that for Jesus.”

I have to match my words with my actions.

It’s showing my children how to love people and I can’t tell them this—I HAVE to show them.

It’s showing them that the man who looks, smells, and speaks differently than us is worthy of receiving open armed kindness for Jesus sake.

I have to care about the food going bad in our fridge because just across the street their neighborhood friends are going hungry. My “caring” has to be moved into inviting those kids and their parents to sit at my table. I have to for Jesus sake.

I cannot ignore it. It’s not  just a part of me, it’s a part of my faith.

And, if the man I so openly discuss with them, lived a life in service to the “least of these” then I will too, for His name’s sake, and also for my little babies sake.

I’m doing it for my kids-that I hope will embrace a similar life, dedicated to serving Jesus through ministering to others.

IMG_4155

I’m doing it because I need to: for me, for them, for my church, for the kids next door, for the man at Safeway.

Isn’t that supposed to be normal?

Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.” Matthew 22: 37-40 (The Msg).

Sunny Days…sweeping the clouds away! (Day 7)

Posted on by

1

My Day 7 praise is this:

No matter where my kids are in the house, as soon as “Sunny Days…Sweeping the Clouds away” begins an opening ballad, there will soon be the thud, thud, thud resounding through our 3 story house.

Within minutes, 2 little one and a half year old girls will be yelling, “Melmo!” “Abby Cabbabby!” “COOOOKIE!” and will frantically seat themselves excited bottoms down on the couch cushions. My five year old, although he claims he is too old for Sesame Street, normally finds himself meandering into the living room and enjoying the hour long broadcast. They’ve all heard the song enough to know that soon their favorite characters will be parading across the screen.

This little game has become kind of fun for me as a mom. I love to hear their excitement over something so silly. I love to see the joy across their faces as they see and experience the joys of interacting with their favorite characters of Sesame Street.

“Sing to the Lord with grateful praise; make music to our God on the harp.”-Psalm 147:7

Like the Psalm says, my praises for the past seven days are music to God’s ears, but I’m also noticing they are creating music in my life. And like my kids with the “Sunny Days” theme song, I’ve been sharing “songs of praise” so much lately, that I’m becoming more and more excited to hear them. In fact, sometimes, my “thankfuls” are so many that I’ve had to decide which ones to share. I’m noticing that even on the worst of days a there’s still an exciting theme song constantly playing. There is always something that I can be thankful for.

What I can’t believe is that honestly after only seven days, I’m noticing my attitude and my days changing. Things that I usually loathe like dirty toilets, dishes, and never-ending piles of laundry are actually just beautiful reminders of simple things like indoor plumbing, a full tummy and warm things to wear.  Work is easier when I’m counting it as a blessing.

I’ve also realized that I have the ability to tune the song out or turn it off by my complaints or inability to be grateful for them.  The “clouds” or complaints in my life kind of drown out the excitement of all the good things God is doing.

“Always be full of joy in the Lord, I say it again-Rejoice” Philippians 4:4

So, will you join me on this praise pact?

What are your praises this week?

I’m okay.

Posted on by

2

My 21 month old daughter, Addilynn, recently stubbed her toe, ran towards me and said, “Mimi, toe-sh, hurts. O-kay? yesh,I o-kay. Kisses mimi, peeze.”

Then I follow up with a kiss to those little stumpy precious baby toes and I tell her. “Oh, Addie-girl, you have to watch where you run.”

She has learned the process, the script, and knows that mom’s kisses heal and she is safe to return to running.

I,like my daughter Addie, have experienced a stub my toe kind of hurt lately. Someone recently hurt me. They don’t know they did, but they did none-the-less.

Someone misunderstood something I wrote. But, they didn’t ask me about it. I heard a concern from someone else and the original person wished to remain anonymous. So, instead of hearing my position or my feelings, they believed something about me that’s not true, and I don’t get the opportunity to set the record straight by clarifying or apologizing or doing anything that the situation could have warranted.

Although it is frustrating that someone thinks something about me thats not true, what bothers me the most is that someone in my personal life feels they can’t talk to me.

It really made me question whether or not I should write in a public setting. It made me question all the people around me.  Was it her? Was it him? Am I approachable? My easiest response to these questions would have been to withdraw and to stop writing or to allow it to impair my running abilities, or to become angry and blame them.

But,  thankfully, I went limping towards the arms of my heavenly Father instead. I spent time praying, and pouring out my heart-hurt.

He began to bandage my heart-hurt with the God-kisses of mercy, grace, and love. And he asked me, “Ash, you going to be okay?”

I’m okay because I’m learning that God will always kiss the smallest of stubbed toe heart-hurts.

I’m okay because I’m learning that maybe I need to watch my words a little more carefully. And, that maybe I’m causing stub-my-toe kind of hurt towards others.

I’m okay because I want to show grace to the anonymous person in my life. I’d like to ask them to forgive me, if my words have hurt them. I’d like them to know that I’m very sorry if I have made myself unavailable or unapproachable for them to share their hurt with me. Most importantly, I’d like them to know that while they may have hurt me in remaining anonymous that I forgive them and want to show love and compassion. And that beyond that, I am willing to risk being misunderstood again and thus hurt again in order to be obedient to the calling God has put on my life.

I’m okay because I’m learning the process, the script, and that with Abba’s kisses I’m safe to return to running.

Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

–Psalm 103:2-4

Letter to a Real Superhero

Posted on by

2

I recently shared these words with my friend, a new mom. And, I gave her a supermom “cape”

Dear Friend,

Words do not begin to express the joy I feel to know that you are becoming a mommy. I am so excited to be on this journey with you. There are some things that I think you should know—sort of an initiation into mommyhood.

In the next phase of life, it’s about to get REAL crazy, a good crazy, BUT crazy none-the-less. Your world, no matter how little or huge you feel like your world may be changing it’s about to be flipped upside down and inside out! It’s supposed to happen that way. There’s something uniquely mysterious and beautiful when a woman shares and pours her blood, sweat, tears and heart into a little baby. But, your life will never ever be the same as it was. REJOICE though: It will be better, but it will be harder.

Moms often get fearful to let others know that we’re struggling. There are moments when you too might feel lonely, and inadequate like you didn’t receive any training despite the hours of babysitting and classes you may have taken.

Look around at the moms around you, REALLY look for a minute AND know this: You are a blessed woman. I know that you know that, but I hope you really let it sink in today. These women around you are all women who deeply care for you, love you, and truly will jump in the trenches for you. Most of us have gone through this transition. We have all felt overwhelmed and underpaid. And we’ve all compared ourselves to another mom or woman who seemed to have it “all together”.

Know that we don’t have it all together. We have all been there crying out of pure exhaustion—wishing for more normalcy. But, know also the things you are facing are not yours they are ours– being alone only makes it worse—so reach out when those moments come. Let these women encourage and strengthen you. Let these women challenge you and most importantly let these women HELP you. If it feels like your day to day life would burden someone or is “your problem” and burdensome for others (which is normal) know that it’s not.

You have continuously served and been there for me, I am certain all of these women, and in this short phase we all get to be here for you. Let us BLESS you in that way! Don’t be afraid to ask! Ask for anything: Five minutes for a shower, 20 minutes for a nap, a trip to the grocery store. Don’t feel like you have to be a hostess or be worried about your home, you don’t need to. We all know and understand the challenges we face. So invite these women to face them with you.

Also, Know this: YOU are capable, able, and were made to be a superhero mom. You have prepared well for this! While at times, it may seem like you are failing, you aren’t. Your kids will not hate you and most likely they will not remember this time of transition, because they are resilient. Do the best that you can, and just keep going You’ll figure it out quickly! Tomorrow is a NEW day, so no matter how hard or how bad today felt, there’s a fresh start tomorrow!

Also, know this: keep your expectations of your spouse and of your house and of your life low during this time. The higher the expectations the less of a sense of accomplishment happens over achieving the little things (which all accumulate to become mastery of big things). Allow little victories to come daily and celebrate them!

Also, know this—this is ironic, since I am giving you a lot of advice, but this may just be the most important. Just go with your gut. There is a ton and a ton of differing advice columns, parenting methods, childrearing ways, but just do what you do best. Focus on what feels right for you and your spouse and for the little baby you have. The people who write those or who will give their unwanted advice aren’t you or him or have your kids. Listen, but feel free to use or not to use at YOUR own will!

Lastly, I’ll say this: Remember to keep God as a primary source of your strength. Not only will he give you supernatural abilities (especially when your sleep deprived), but He will be a source of joy and peace in the midst of your chaos. It’s about to get harder to find time to meet with Him, but in the craziness of your life find 5 min here or there. I’ve always been a big time Bible reader, and in my phase right now, I’m fairly limited in that portion of my faith walk, but I’ve gotten really good at praying. I pray while I do chores, and while I cook dinner. Different phases of life develop different faith practices–so don’t be discouraged.

On days when you feel up to your elbows in poop (literally you may feel this way) and babies are crying and you are so exhausted that you are sitting up drinking coffee and falling asleep know that you have a tool—feel free to use it often. You can make it a daily aspect of your wardrobe—you will deserve it within the first 24 hours.

Love ya, and I’m praying for you daily (minute by minute, hour by hour, because I know the crazy mom world), Ash

Homemade Organic Laundry Soap–liquid

Posted on by

13

I have a large family. Families are compromised of people. People wear clothes. Clothes need to be washed. All those basic facts to reveal that this mom does a lot of laundry. My goal is always to do 3-5 full loads of laundry–washed, dried, and put away, everyday Monday thru Friday. If we do the math that is approximately 15-20 loads of laundry a week.

Most weeks I find good deals on laundry detergents, but, lately, (since Judah’s arrival), I just haven’t been able to get out of the house and go to the stores to shop sales. So, I’ve been spending between $4.99-8.99 on a bottle of detergent that is not organic that does approximately 45 loads. Now, I don’t know if you’ve actually calculated how many loads a bottle actually does, but my laundry soap never actually gets that amount of loads. So for the sake of this math problem I’m going to say I spend on average $6.99 and get 40 loads. Over the course of 6 months, I spend approximately $84 on laundry detergent.

6.99 (for 40 loads) divided by 2 (to make it 20 loads per week) x 4 (weeks in the month) x 6 (for months) = $84

I am tired of it. Really tired of it. Seems like a money waster, literally and figuratively its money going down the drain. Surely, there’s a better method.

My sister made this recipe awhile ago, she found it on pinterest through a blog called I can teach my Child

It’s really pretty easy! In fact, I did it with my  6 year old sister and my 4 year old son. They did most of the work! I did change her recipe slightly  so make sure you look at the substitutions!

Ingredients for 10 gallons:

4 cups hot water (for the beginning)

1 soap bar without glycerin (I used Yardley Organic Lavender Soap  for 2/$2.00)

1 cup Arm and Hammer Washing Soap ($2.99 at Target/Walmart) or SEE BELOW to substitute Baking Soda  (requires additional step) (approx. $.59-1.29 or maybe you already have some)

1/2 Cup Borax ($2.99 at Walmart/Target)

For scented soap, you can add a few drops intermittently of natural oils (I didn’t do this because I found lavender scented soap that is without glycerin)

2-5 gal buckets or any plethora of recycled bins equaling 10 gallons (I bought 5 gal stackable containers for $5.00/each, a little more than I’d like to spend but I don’t have space to store a lot of containers and they are reusable)

Directions:

1. Grate a bar of soap and add to saucepan with 4 cups water. Heat on med-low heat until soap dissolves

2. Fill 5 gal bucket 1/2 full of hot tap water. Add ingredients from saucepan, washing soda or substitute, and borax. Stir well until borax dissolves.

3. Fill bucket to top with more hot water equaling 5 gallons.

4. Stir again. Pour 1/2 of solution in additional 5 gal buckets (or in various sized containers I’ve seen milk jugs, apple juice bottles, etc) and fill remaining amount of each bucket with hot tap water. Let cool for 24 hours!

5. Use 5/8 cup for regular wash machines or 1/2 cup for HE machines.

******SUBSTITUTE: How to USE Baking Soda

For 10 gallons, take 1 cup Baking Soda and spread evenly on a cookie sheet. Bake for minimum of 30 min-2 hrs at 350 degrees. Add immediately to liquid mixture. Do not leave out as exposing to air changes chemical compound consistency back to Baking Soda.

Here’s the exciting part I have enough stuff left to make 10-20 gallons more! So for the cost of $5 (I didn’t buy Baking Soda, I had some. And, I’m not counting bins because I can reuse again and again or use for something else) I made enough Laundry Soap to last for 200 loads. I have now been using it for 1 week and I love it, my clothes are beautiful (a big worry) and I have not had to use dryer sheets or fabric softener because the chemical consistency is making my clothes softer–which I guess saves me more money!

320 (16 cups per gallon x 20 gallons) x 5/8 (cups to make 1 load) = 200 loads

200 loads only lasts me (based on 20 loads a week) 2.5 months. So, I need to calculate for 6 months. I’m gonna make it easy and calculate cost per load which is 5.00/200 =.025

.025 (price per load) x 20 (loads in a week) x 4 (weeks per month) x 6 (months)= $12.00

$84-12.00=$72.00    WHAT?! I just saved a whole lot of money. That’s a great date including child care for my hubby and me!

I saved a ton of money, made organic laundry soap, and had a great day with my kiddos doing it!

My next goal is to make homemade dishwashing soap, dishwasher soap, and laundry stain remover, cloth towels on a roll–to replace paper towels….STAY TUNED!

Tell me about your laundry soap making adventures..What did you do differently? Same? How much would it save you?

My Beautiful Mess

Posted on by

15

Today was a day not really much different than other days, I had a few family members stop by, I changed about 8 poopy diapers between three kids, 5 additional wet ones (just for the record), stopped the world from ending over the batman action figure being placed in the wrong hands, and attempted to keep  four tasmanian devils, I mean children, out of light sockets, off of staircases and fit a nap or two in there somewhere. Sounds clean right? I wish. Sometimes I really really wish, I wish so big my brain hurts from attempting to wish more, but at the end of the day there just isn’t enough of me brain power and/or will to get much more done. It’s exhausting. But, today I know tomorrow is right around the corner, and it’ll be a different type of day, I’m having about 4-5 moms and their bringing more kids over for mom’s group.

 

What does that leave me? I call it the 3-F’s (no, not cuss words silly): frazzled, frantic, and frustrated. Usually, my brain begins to look around the mess that only a tornado could cause. Then my brain does a weird thing and flips the “initializing internal vomit” switch.. “If my husband would just remember to unscrew his coffee lid on this travel mug, I wouldn’t be taking 5 extra minutes to grunt groan and resist the urge to scream a few cuss words while trying to pry it off, and I could be in there picking up the watermelon rinds from under the highchairs. That’s going to take me an extra 5 min just to clean. Why can’t my kids be cleaner?”

Then, God (I’m thankful He did that) hit the “HOLD UP” button, and I began to realize “of all people these are mom’s they’ve seen a mess, they understand”. deflate pressure. I internally agreed, “Yes, that’s true good rationalization. Moms, they get it. Clean houses are for single or childless people everywhere.”

And, then it happened a little question infiltrated my being, “Why do you need to feel put together?” A slight cringe followed by an internally quiet, “crap”.

And there it was–who was I trying to impress? God made my life. He gave me four beautiful undeserved children. He rescued my soul. Healed brokenness. And I, in the midst of trying to minister to other moms by offering my house, was doing the very opposite of ministering to them. I was hiding the truth of my life and the beautiful mess given to me by the maker of all beautiful messes.

See, the truth of the matter is, I am prideful. Time and time again, I want to put on my fancy shoes, new clothes, and cleaned house and present myself differently than who I am in this phase of my life.

Romans 15:1-7 says,

Romans 15

 1-2 ”Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?”

 3-6That’s exactly what Jesus did. He didn’t make it easy for himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded right in and helped out. “I took on the troubles of the troubled,” is the way Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it’s written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next. May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets along with us all. Then we’ll be a choir—not our voices only, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our Master Jesus!

 7aSo reach out and welcome one another to God’s glory. Jesus did it; now you do it!”


And here is where my prayer met brain reboot. “Rethink, yep, Ashley rethink tomorrow. Stop what your doing. Show God tomorrow”.

Tomorrow, when those ladies pull up in my driveway and walk onto my un-vacuumed floors, see the sticky watermelon mess under the highchairs, and notice the food splatters on the refrigerator and that I’m wearing sweats (hopefully they’ll miss the fact I haven’t showered in a day and a half) maybe they will be encouraged. And, maybe they will be able to push through another hard day of being a mom. Maybe, just maybe, they will be ministered to by another mom who is in the trenches. Better yet, they will be able to see that God made us all a beautiful mess and their mess is just as beautiful.

So, tonight my facebook status read “[Ashley Chambers] is needing to house clean for moms group here in the morning…but, I’m too tired now my steams run out….so…ladies it’ll be straightened but not scrubbed…raise my glass in the air and toast: here’s to being vulnerable and transparent and not at all put together!”

Response Question:

What has God shared with you recently?